You’d think two models and an international pop star would have checked their looks in a full length mirror before claiming their courtside seats. Actually, Beyonce’s used to this sort of thing. But something tells me BFF Kimora and Tyra didn’t realize their lower halves were going to be on blast.

Kibwe Chase-Marshall, fashion designer extraordinaire and Stereohyped’s resident fashion expert, takes it to the hole after jump.

Please apply these assessments, in sequential order from right to left, to the footwear featured in the above photo, for it is by no means a character judgment of the three beauties in question.

I’ll explain: while Beyonce’s Louboutin D’Orsay peep toes are un pocito mucho for an NBA game (god forbid she’d be called onto the court to shoot a free throw!) they are unquestionably au courant and land her in the safe territory of “dontcha wish your tootsies looked hot like these? DONTCHA?!”

Tyra consistently bestows us with media gem after media gem (from drama-laden panel eliminations on ANTM, to saving the lives of styrofoam-phobes on her daily gabfest) so it’s hard for me to lay into her. But what was she thinking trying to stuff yards and yards of flared leg denim into those Ciara boots!? In this day and age, there really is no excuse: get thee into a skinny jean!

Now onto the most disturbing offense. Kimora hooked up her hair, the makeup is beat to flawless perfection, and she is perched like only a girl who came out of the whom modeling could be perched. Everything was going fine and dandy until she opted to take it all directly back to ‘97 in a pair Samantha Jones for Jimmy Choo boots. It’s just a harsh reality: you may have only worn them twice, they may make your legs look like stems from heaven, and they may cause men to drool due to that sexy, spindly heel and toe — I know, I know — but the proverbial ship has sailed. Ladies we must let the late nineties “privileged hooker” boots go! I’m keeping it funky!

• Stunt like Beyonce, but hopefully at an event a bit more formal than a Nets game, in some of these cute peep toes:

• 
  Eccho, $69.50, Steve Madden
  
  BCBGirls Fuller Pump, $109.95, Nordstrom

• Tyra should have tried one of these pairs of skinny jeans:

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  AG Adriano Goldschmied The Stilt Cigarette Leg Jean, $172, Shop Bop
  
  BDG 5 Pocket Skinny Jean, $49, Urban Outfitters

• As for Kimora’s boot faux pas, you’re in luck if Kibwe’s comments called to mind a few of the mainstays in your closet. You’ve got all spring and summer to get over your separation anxiety and cut the cord. Send those boots to goodwill and step into 2007! Or go shopping now — pickings will be slim, but everything will be on sale. Keep this in mind: you don’t need to buy a boot with both a heel and a toe that are capable of poking someone’s eye out.