“Ming, darling! Aoki, dear,” she cried, wiggling her diamond encrusted fingers in excitement. “We are going to share our fabulosity with the little children at St. Vincent’s Hospital today!”

And then she had to go and ruin it all when she told her assistant to make sure there was a photographer waiting. Oh well, a good deed is a good deed. Happy Thanksgiving, Simmons family!

I have never shied away from making it known that I find Angelina Jolie to be a smug, holier-than-thou, obnoxious, and self-important person. I acknowledge that she does many good things — in Africa, no less! She highlights causes that certain people would otherwise ignore, but there are many other high profile celebrities who do similar good things without becoming insufferable. I also acknowledge that she is beautiful (because everyone always tries to tell me I’m just hating when I talk about how much Angie sucks). But please. She’s an actress. And I really don’t care to read her thoughts in the Economist’s “World in 2008″ special issue.

Jolie’s piece on accountability for the atrocities in Darfur sits alongside contributions from several presidents, an exiled god-king, the head of the United Nations and other political heavyweights…

The field of high-profile contributors includes French president Nicolas Sarkozy, Mexican president Felipe Calderón, the Dalai Lama, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg, speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, and Korean-born UN secretary-general Ban Ki-moon.

I know! Let’s play “One of These Economist Contributers Is Not Like The Other.” Hint: just pick out the one who starred in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Or the new film adaptation of Beowulf, in theaters Friday!

I’m sure all of Rwanda is completely heartbroken that a scheduled visit from Paris Hilton has been canceled. She was going to save lives there. She said it herself.

“I want to travel the world,” she says. “I feel like there’s a lot I can do, and a lot I can do to help. I know [Rwanda] went through a lot of traumatic experiences, and I feel like if I go there, I can help save some people’s lives.”

Fortunately for Rwandans, the trip has been “rescheduled” for 2008. In this case, “rescheduled” might mean “actually never happening, ever,” but maybe I’m just using common sense and not placing enough faith in Paris Hilton.

[People]

As details emerge, it’s apparent that the rumored crisis at Oprah’s South African school went a bit further than some unauthorized corporal punishment. A South African newspaper printed the allegations — which are certain to disgust Oprah, a child abuse victim– against a fired dormitory matron at the boarding school.

The woman, who has since been removed from the campus, allegedly grabbed a girl by the throat and threw her against a wall. Other alleged charges were that she swore and screamed at the girls, assaulted them and had sexually fondled at least one of them, according to Rapport newspaper.

The alleged incidents went public after one of the pupils ran away from the school because the abuse had become intolerable, according to Rapport. Her parents immediately notified the school…

The TV mogul met with the school’s executive and private investigators and held a two-hour meeting with the parents of her students, who were flown to Johannesburg from all over the country. A report by a private investigator flown in from the United States to conduct an inquiry with a South African counterpart has been turned over to the local police.

It’s pretty ballsy to try some shady shit at an Oprah-owned facility. She does not like to be crossed. I guess they didn’t show her James Frey episode in South Africa.

[EUR]

If you were wondering why Oprah Winfrey did not show up to an awards show last week honoring her friend Julia Roberts (because I was certainly losing sleep over the question), it turns out there is some drama going on at the media queen’s much-hyped school for girls, and Child Protection Services, South African and U.S. police, and Oprah herself were called in to handle a situation involving the misconduct of a dormitory matron. I think we can all imagine what that means.

The details are being kept confidential, but the girls are being offered psychological counseling. Countdown to the inevitable attacks from Oprah’s critics begins now.

[]

Paris Hilton has finally decided to implement, or put on a show of implementing, her post-jail plan to turn over a new leaf and use her evil power for good. First step? Taking a trip to Rwanda, because the niggers, as she’s fond of calling blacks, need help, too. And hey, it can’t be worse than jail!

Can it?

And don’t expect the Rwandan expedition to be Hilton’s last.

“I want to visit more countries where poverty and children’s issues are a big concern,” the 26-year-old socialite said. “I know there’s a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues.”

Aside from her do-gooder plans, Hilton told E! Online that that she will also be working on her new Beverly Hills home to make it more “green friendly.”

“I just bought the house and haven’t been able to work on it yet,” Hilton said. “But I intend to.”

She can make her house as green friendly as she wants, it won’t do anything to counteract the lethal amounts of gas emanating from her person at all times. I’m not sure what exactly she’ll be doing in Rwanda, but if she comes back with a baby…

[]

• These are the kinds of things we do at Jossip after hours. Thankfully for me (and too bad for Cord from Mollygood), seeing a woman dressed up as a man is far less exciting. [QT]

• No matter how famous you get, somebody will always mistake you for a drug dealer. [SP]

• Trina, a role model for all the kids out there who aspire to be strippers-turned-hyper sexual rappers. [C&D]

• Barnes & Noble bestseller, maybe, but you won’t see If I Did It with an Oprah’s Book Club seal. [SP]

• Mindy McCready, country music’s Foxy Brown. [PH]

I don’t know about you, but if I lived in Houston and needed some transitional housing, I would settle for nothing less than the Knowles-Rowland Apartments.

Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland were on hand Wednesday for the groundbreaking of the Knowles-Rowland Temenos Place apartments on the corner of Gray and Chenevert.

The project is backed by the Survivor Foundation, which was set up by the Knowles family and Rowland after Katrina in 2005…

The project is described as a 43 unit single-occupancy transitional housing development designed to provide housing for women and men taking “significant steps in improving their lives after … personal and natural disasters,” the Survivor Foundation reports.

I mean, how cool will formerly homeless hurricane survivors sound when asked where they live? “Oh, I’m staying over at the Knowles-Rowland place.” They will saunter back to their single-occupancy rooms with smiles on their faces. Nice work, Knowles-Rowlands. And American Express and Armani and Wal-mart and L’Oreal and the city of Houston. Nice work.

[HC]

I am not so closed minded that I don’t recognize the fact that people who annoy the living hell out of me and are intolerably self-righteous are also capable of doing good things. The same goes for Isaiah Washington, who said some bad things, but is also doing a lot of positive work with the Gondobay Manga Foundation, a Sierre Leone children’s charity he founded.

To soothe any bad feelings he had from the on-set altercation with Patrick Dempsey during which it was alleged that Washington used a homophobic slur, he says immersed himself in his children’s charity, the Gondobay Manga Foundation.

The actor also tells the newspaper that he and his wife are considering adoption since the trip.

“There is one boy, about 8 years old, who I fell in love with [in Sierra Leone],” he says. “But I’m not interested in stripping him of his culture. My wife and I have three kids already, but we have talked about [adoption], and we’re not ruling it out.”

Washington goes on to say that he feels “safer” in Sierra Leone than in L.A., because no one is trying to “hurt” him — except maybe to take his money. I’m sure I know some actors on a certain Seattle-based hospital drama who wouldn’t mind if he just stayed there.

[People]

To coincide with the upcoming release of their movie, El Cantante, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced they will go on a joint tour together this fall. It will be J Lo’s first live tour. Hmmm. Wonder why?

Anyway, my guess is that Marc will be handling the heavy vocal responsibility during the show, which will feature both separate sets and duets. The good news is that some of the proceeds will go toward combating child obesity in the Latino community. As for El Cantante, which the couple premiered in Puerto Rico last night, did J Lo learn nothing from Gigli? Significant others and movies don’t mix!

[People]