Dear Dog,
Ugh. I know “ugh’” isn’t really an appropriate way to begin a letter. But ugh. I don’t really have much to write to you. I’m not necessarily surprised by your fondness for the word “nigger,” not only because I can’t imagine the bounty hunting profession is one that requires much in the way of racial sensitivity, but also because, well, I don’t know. You sort of seem like the type.
The reason I don’t feel like I have much to write to you is because I don’t think you’re particularly special. I mean, you have a reality show, sure. But it’s nothing I have ever caught myself watching. And I watch a lot of television. So that says something. You’re also definitely a racist, even if you want to deny it to save your job. But that’s certainly not special. Guys like you come a dime a dozen. So you can drop “alohas” and deliver canned apologies and meet with Al Sharpton and hold press conferences and maybe even get your job back in the end. But you’ll only have done those things to save your livelihood. Not to “cure” your racism.
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