Debbie Allen’s all-black, Broadway production of the Tennessee Williams play (turned classic Paul Newman/Elizabeth Taylor movie), Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, finally has a cast. LL Cool J was mentioned months ago as a contender for the role of Brick, an injured ex-football player who won’t have sex with his wife, but, thankfully, that’s not happening.

Terrence “T.P.” Howard has been given the roll (ha! get it?). Although I’m not his biggest fan, at least he has Broadway-caliber acting chops. Other confirmed cast members are Phylicia Rashad, Giancarlo Esposito and James Earl Jones. The lead female role will either go to Anika Noni Rose or Kerry Washington. I’m sure you know who I’m rooting for. []

Terrence “T.P.” Howard will never learn. Gabby Union? . And considering the rumors about how many guys she actually is into, T.P. should probably take that as a major insult.

Spywitnesses at Spotlight Live in Times Square Tuesday say the actor tried to turn up the heat with Gabrielle Union, but she wouldn’t simmer. Maybe that’s because she’s already with the Miami Heat’s Dwyane Wade, not to mention past liaisons with Derek Jeter and Howard’s “Crash” co-star Ludacris. She rocked as Diddy took the stage at the industry’s weekly karaoke confab in the high-tech club.

On second thought, T.P. probably likes women who don’t like him, just because they won’t try to have sex with him and break his celibacy vow. I just figured it all out!

[]

• Missing black woman alert. You probably won’t hear about her on the news, so read about Nailah Franklin here. [RR]

• To paraphrase Cord from Mollygood, if MTV had a Hot Bumpkin Mess, this would be the lead story. []

• Don’t worry, Kim K. Your secret’s safe with us. [Jossip]

• I really just wish they hadn’t named their new disc Baby Makin’ Project. [SP

• Now Terrence Howard is with Miss USA Rachel Smith? All is not right with the world. [Bossip]

Kim Kardashian has a new man. The beauty has been out on the town with hunky actor Terrence Howard, who is separated from his wife of 14 years. A spy spotted the star of the new E! reality show, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” arriving and “making out” with Howard at Tenjune and then Butter last week. “They were all over each other,” snitched the onlooker. “She was sitting on his lap and he was rubbing her butt.” A rep for Howard declined to comment.

I’m desperately trying not to mention the baby wipes, but come on! Celibate Terrence and Sex-tape Kim? And his hands are on her butt? It’s like, sometimes this stuff just writes itself.

No, really. She does.

And a movie?
For television. My autobiography, From These Roots. Hopefully it will happen early spring. I have verbal commitments from Billy Dee [Williams] to play my father, and Terrence Howard to play Smokey Robinson.

Who’ll play you?
I’m not sure yet. Jennifer Hudson came to read for me. I also have an interest in Halle Berry possibly doing it. And Fantasia.

I mean no disR-E-S-P-E-C-T, but Halle Berry is pregnant and less than physically or vocally suited for Aretha’s movie needs. Team J-Hud. On the less critical end, I can honestly think of no one who would be a better Smokey Robinson than the toilet paper bandit.

[People]

• Ew. Second story of the day — they really are back. Usher and Tameka are planning a wedding “real” wedding this weekend for family and friends, including Jermaine Dupri, Janet Jackson, Ashanti, and Diddy. []

• Every Jehovah’s Witness in the world just clutched their chest in horror. And which one is it, Terrence Howard — do you have premarital sex or not? [SP]

• Jena High School administrators banned the sisters of one of the defendants in the infamous case from wearing “Free the Jena 6″ shirts in school. Because it was “disruptive.” []

• Remy Ma’s alleged victim is just mad at all the female rappers. []

• Venus Williams launches the largest clothing collection of any female athlete. Uh, congrats? [EUR]

Terrence Howard’s trip to Paris for Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s nuptials cost him a girlfriend, and he doesn’t seem to upset about the loss. Her toilet-paper-to-baby wipe ratio was probably off, or she forced him to have sexual intercourse. Either way, he’s far better off without the sexual temptation of an unsanitary female.

“I lost my girlfriend on that trip because I didn’t take her… Sometimes you go to places by yourself, and I had the need to be in Paris by myself. I didn’t feel like explaining anything… I went and did my thing and it was great and I discovered me on that trip, I like being single.”

Sorry, ladies. I know you’re lining up, but he’s gonna go the single route for a while. I know. It stings.

[SP]

Chris Tucker partied with friends and fans in Atlanta yesterday for a Southern celebration of his new movie, Rush Hour 3. Evan Ross, Jermaine Dupri, Dallas Austin, and none other that the baby wipe bandit himself, Terrence Howard. More pics after the jump.

CONTINUED »

The fact that Terrence Howard’s ex-wife won’t take him back despite his pleading is not such a surprise considering this quote from a recent Elle interview:

“Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.”

And this:

“If a relationship is built on sexuality, it won’t last long. Now I’m completely chaste through a relationship unless I get married. I don’t believe in premarital sex. It enabled me to date three or four women at the same time, because as long as I wasn’t having sex with them, I could always just walk away. There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean, like I’d compromised my own values. So I would have to let them go because they didn’t help me to be a stronger person.”

The guy is just plain creepy, obviously, with questionable views on both women and personal responsibility. Imagine if he was your man, counting your baby wipes after each trip you made to the bathroom and blaming you every time he got aroused. No wonder Halle Berry and Gabrielle Union his ass back.

[Jezebel]