While R. Kelly schedules tour dates and, undoubtedly, writes more and more installments of “Trapped in the Closet,” the trial that seemed like it would never start will go on without him. A Chicago judge ruled last week that a forensic specialist can testify, in a hearing, about her methods to determine that R. Kelly is the man in the infamous sex tape.

The court will then rule whether or not her testimony is admissible. The specialist is expected to explain how she identified R. Kelly using the veins in his hands and how she determined that the child in the tape was 14-years-old. Knowing R. Kelly’s dumb (and I do mean dumb) luck, they evidence will probably be thrown out. [MTV]

Does Ciara look so happy at the World Music Awards in Monte Carlo because, as the 3am Girls allege, 50 Cent sent a chartered plane to Monaco filled with rose petals, teddy bears, and chocolates? Lord I hope not. I say she’s just a naturally happy girl. More pics from the show after the jump.

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Naomi Campbell’s recent trip to Venezuela to meet with Hugo Chavez is seen by a terrorist group as a “slap in the face” to Bush and his policies. Who knew terrorists could have so much fun with words!

The supermodel said, “I’m not here to be political” as she met with the left-wing Venezuelan president, though she reportedly said, “I hate Bush” when she was in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Abu Nasser, chief of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades terror group in the Old City of Nablus in the West Bank, said:”The visit presents a slap in the face to Bush and his government and his policy. The fact that she respects Chavez, and his ideals, can bring more people to follow this step.”

First of all, unless the two are old friends, I’m not sure how a meeting with Hugo Chavez could be seen as not political. Second of all, Naomi Campbell is a model, and not even an American one. She can pretty much take a meeting with anyone without causing a bit of political change. []

Have you ever wondered what happened to Jon B? You know, the white R&B singer who did what Robin Thicke did first, but not as well? He gave a scruffy performance at an Usher-hosted party at Las Vegas’ LAX nightclub over the weekend. Apparently he has been growing his hair, working on a new album, and developing a taste for microphones in his absence from the public eye.

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When a gorilla is charging toward you, scratch your head and chew leaves? This was Kerry Washington’s survival technique when she almost got attacked while she was filming The Last King of Scotland in Uganda.

At the Movado Future Legends Gala at the Cooper-Hewitt Museum, Washington, a graduate of the posh Spence school, told Webster Hall’s Baird Jones, “I got way too close to a female gorilla, who started toward me. If you run, they run after you. So I did my best gorilla imitation: chewing leaves, head scratch, kneeling. I remembered watching animal behavior on TV and zoo trips.” It worked. “I would not be having this interview now if that gorilla had attacked me.”

Because I never really want to see a black person doing a gorilla imitation, even if it is for survival, I’m going to try not to picture this in my head. []
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Beyonce, who is winding down her successful world tour, wants more international success (a la Rihanna) with her next album, according to the British duo supposedly helping her with her new material. Think more “Umbrella” and less “Get Me Bodied.”

Freemasons star James Wiltshire says, “The album is going to be huge. It will rival anything the likes of Britney and Rihanna have done recently. Beyonce and her team can see where mistakes were made on the last album. It was very American, very R+B and stripped back. “They want to go for a more international sound this time. She wants to hit as many audiences as possible.”

I think this Wiltshire character sort of lost all credibility when he threw Britney into that comparison. How hard is it to rival the stuff she’s done recently. But if this is true, bummer. I vastly prefer Beyonce’s music to Rihanna’s (although I might like Rihanna’s better if Beyonce was the one singing).

It looks like the people at Saturday Night Live figured out their pesky Barack-Obama-impersonation problem, surely to the chagrin of the only black guy in the cast, Kenan Thompson.

• The Honolulu NAACP held a public forum to discuss Dog the Bounty Hunter. Was that really necessary? [HA]

• Baltimore citizens aren’t stepping up to tackle the outrageous murder rate there as Philly’s black community has. []

• Onyx, a Houston magazine geared toward the city’s black professional community, is folding. [HC]

• Jay-Z will take over Sirius Radio’s Hip Hop Nation station, dubbing it Jay-Z Nation. Overkill? [EUR]

• A tattoo is a new clue in the very solvable unsolved murder of Jam Master Jay. []

Here are Da Brat and JD in simpler times — he had hair and no Janet, she hadn’t been arrested for smashing a bottle of rum into a waitress’ face. Back in 1994, “Funkdafied” was my song, and I never ever would have predicted Da Brat would one day become a regular fixture on VH1 reality shows. I’m glad I didn’t predict that.

• Throw away your beef and your Geno’s and Totino’s frozen pizzas.

• If your dentist is to cheesy disco music while he performs your root canal and is named Dr. Trusty, run.

• Red wine might be a thing of the past. Hallelujah!

• Most people find nothing wrong with being offered in school and do not think that it will promote promiscuity.

• Death makes us happy.